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“Stepford friendships”

My sister turned 50 years old on Tuesday, October 19. She and a group of “girls” from Winchester (Illinois) High School Class of ’78 have been friends since they were in grade school. In the past few months they have enjoyed celebrating one another’s entry into the half-century club. These women have supported one another through so many of life’s challenges and rewards – from having babies to now having grandbabies, to broken marriages to breast cancer to the loss of parents. I admire their commitment to one another.

Long-term and fulfilling relationships are built on shared experiences. Despite minor and not-so-minor disagreements along the way, these women feel a responsibility to one another. The trust and commitment of true friendship does not develop overnight. It comes through interaction with one another.

Friendship comes from hours spent talking, playing, agreeing and disagreeing. As a person is “socialized” he or she becomes more comfortable in his or her own skin. As you “mix” and are exposed to other people, you develop those social skills and behaviors that allow you to develop your own personal identity.

The maturity that comes with knowing who you are not only gives you confidence, but also a sense of responsibility to your friends, your family and your community.

That which Debbie and her “girls” have is real.

In a world where high school students turn in homework written in “text” and friends are, at the touch of a keypad “requested” and/or “blocked” on online social networks, I realize how deeply I appreciate the old-fashioned values of true friendship.

I have no bone to pick with texting, tweeting, yammering, blogging, linking-in or digging, yigging or pinging. I believe there are many positive uses for computer technology. There is a place for it. My concern is the devaluation of relationships; the phasing out of friendships built on actual time spent together in the same geographic location in exchange for cyber-friends.

Although most of us find it amusing to post a profile picture on a social network that is not necessarily a true representation of ourselves (mine is a picture of one of our Rhode Island Red hens) many people identify more closely with a cartoon caricature that distorts their true likeness than they do with a snapshot taken by Mom using the camera on her Blackberry.

I like a world where kids get homesick for their family and friends when they go to camp – not because there is no Wi-Fi or cell service there, but because they miss sitting down at the dinner table together or going fishing (for real fish – not phish) with their buddies.

As I write this commentary, I am reminded of that 1970’s novel that told the story of an idyllic neighborhood where housewives were actually robots created by their husbands. I find a universe where all it takes to discard a relationship is the click of a mouse disconcerting. I don’t want a United States of America where children and adults are dependent upon technology to make friends and count change.

I believe we can do better.